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The Blanket - A Journal of Protest & Dissent

The Peace Process — A Children's Fantasy
(Or At Least One That Is Suitable for Childish Minds)

After the news that Denis O'Hearn and Laurence McKeown have adapted the story of Bobby Sands as a children's book, TOM LUBY reckons its is time to give the same treatment to more contemporary events. 'The Blanket' proudly publishes for the first and only time "The Peace Process - a children's fantasy (or at least one that is suitable for childish minds)"

Tom Luby • 17 September 2006

Once upon a time in a land far, far away there lived a wizard who had such magical powers that everyone who met him was in great awe of what he could do. The wizard's name was 'Thebigeffort' and he was tall and wore a long straggly beard that reached down to his knees. He lived in a big cave deep in the middle of the dark forest where he was guarded night and day by hundreds of goblins whose leader, 'Bigbobby', so loved the wizard that there wasn't anything he wouldn't do for him.

The wizard was also loved by his people who were known as the 'Chuckies'. For many years the kingdom of the 'Chuckies' had been taken over by a strange people from a distant island who had stolen their land, lived off their crops and slept in their houses. These people were called the 'Blue Nose' tribe and they were really, really horrible to the 'Chuckies'. The 'Blue Nose' tribe knew they could be beastly to the 'Chuckies' because they had powerful friends in an even more distant land who would give them gold coins, and swords and bows and arrows to kill the 'Chuckies' whenever they wanted to. The 'Blue Noses' friends were known as 'TheBrits' and some people in 'Chuckieland' believed that they and the 'Blue Nose' tribe had once lived together in the same forest.

What the 'Blue Noses' really like doing was to parade through 'Chuckieland' banging big drums to scare all the baby 'Chuckies' while singing songs that made fun of the 'Chuckies' red hair and freckles. They did that whenever they could and that would really make the 'Chuckies' angry. Sometimes they would get so angry they would throw rocks at the 'Blue Noses' and a big fight would start which would always end with the 'Chuckies' getting black eyes and broken bones.

One day 'Thebigeffort' walked to the edge of the forest to see what the the 'Blue Noses' were doing to his people. Everywhere 'Thebigeffort' went he was followed by his faithful dwarves, 'Bigted', 'Pennies', 'Liamog' and 'Godslittlehelper' who would always tell him how clever and brave he was. Whenever 'Thebigeffort' would say something like, "Its a lovely sunny day today", 'Bigted', Pennies', 'Liamog' and 'Godslittlehelper' would cry out together: "Of course its a lovely sunny day, today! What a wise and shrewd wizard you are!" And 'Thebigeffort' would smile and be happy.

That day though the dwarves were anxious and worried. "It is so dangerous at the edge of woods" 'Bigted' told the wizard, "that if the 'Blue Noses' see you they will kill you. Everyone knows that of all the people in 'Chuckieland' the 'Blue Noses' hate the wizards most."

"Don't worry", replied 'Thebigeffort'. "I shall work my most powerful magic on them. I will tell them I am not and have never been a wizard and they will believe me".

And so with that, 'Thebigeffort' and his faithful dwarves made their way to the edge of the forest.

And what a terrible sight greeted them! Everywhere they looked the 'Chuckies' were being tortured and tormented by the 'Blue Noses'. Their favourite vexation was to line the 'Chuckies' up in rows and ask each one of them in turn what school they went to, or what was their first name or which part of the forest they lived in. The worst torture of all was when they were asked to say the letter 'H'. And no matter what answer the 'Chuckies' gave they were immediately dispatched to the same dreadful place, called 'The Dole' where they were given only bread and water to eat and straw to sleep on.

"What is happening to my people!?" cried 'Thebigeffort'. "Why do they not rise up and throw off the yoke of these evil 'Blue Noses'"?

"But master", replied 'Bigted', "do you not know that your people have striven this score of years and fifteen to expel the 'Blue Noses' from their midst? But each time that victory beckoned, 'TheBrits' sent more armies to put them down. 'Bigbobby' has even stolen their gold coin from their deepest, most northerly vaults and learned their darkest secrets while the King of the Goblins, 'The Slab' travelled to faroff lands to bring back ships full of rocks to throw at them. But to no avail. The 'Blue Nose' tribe is too large to overcome."

"Then I shall go to the top of the mountain", said 'Thebigeffort' "where I shall meditate and converse with my ancestors. Then I will decide what my people should do."

And so 'Thebigeffort' travelled across deserts and jungle, through snow and ice and waded wide, deep rivers for many days until he came to the holy mountain known as 'Clonard' where finally he rested, slept and dreamed deeply. For seven days he meditated and for seven night he slept and dreamed.

In each dream the same figure, clad in black from head to toe with a belt of beads tied around his waist appeared and said the same words. "My name is 'Fralec'", said the figure. "Go back to the 'Blue Noses' and offer them peace and friendship. And as a token of your goodwill give them all the rocks that 'The Slab' has hidden in the forest to throw at the 'Blue Noses' and they shall embrace you and make peace with the 'Chuckies' forever."

'Thebigeffort' pondered deeply on the words spoken in his dream and when the seven days had ended he travelled back to 'Chuckieland'. The faithful dwarves squealed in delight to see him back amongst them and when the wizard told them of his dreams, they cried out aloud: "Oh, what a wise one our wizard is! This truly is the way to end the tyranny the 'Blue Noses' have forced on our people!" And they joined hands, danced and sang throughout the night.

The very next day, 'Thebigeffort', his faithful dwarves, the goblins and their leaders, 'Bigbobby' and 'The Slab' journeyed to the edge of the forest. When they had reached there the wizard called out in a loud voice: "Blue Noses. I wish to speak to your leader! Send him out so we can talk and make peace."

From the far distance came a deep booming voice: "My name is 'Bigian'. I am the leader of the 'Blue Noses' What do you want?"

And the Wizard replied: "Our two peoples have fought too long. Much blood has been shed and for nought. It is time to make peace. If you will share 'Chuckieland' with us we will put all our rocks beyond use and the sun will rise upon a new dispensation, one that will be a transitional stage to paradise. Will you agree?!!"

"I have heard the wily words of wizards who say they aren't wizards many times before and I do not believe them", replied 'Bigian'. "You say you will put your rocks beyond use but you will not let us see that happen nor will you let our high priests bear witness. Only one thing will satisfy my people. Here I have a vest made of sackcloth and on the floor some ashes piled in a heap. Put you on the sackcloth and roll in the ashes and my people will believe you."

"Never!", roared 'Thebigeffort', his nostrils flaring, mask slipping and eyes flashing. From deep within his cloak he withdrew a wand made of a magic substance called 'Votes'. "This is the wand called 'The Great Ballot Box'", he cried. "Withdraw your demand or my wand will destroy you!"

"Do your worst, wizard", shouted 'Bigian'.

With that 'Thebigeffort' waved 'The Great Ballot Box' wand and in a flash of emerald green, 'Bigian' and all the 'Blue Noses' disappeared, never to be seen again.

When they saw what had happened the 'Chuckies' let out a great cry of joy and they lifted the Wizard on to their shoulders and carried him aloft, singing songs of victory and triumph. They carried the Wizard to the highest spot in the land, a place known as 'Phoenix Park', and there they left him to live the rest of his life in pleasant contentment. And as for the 'Chuckies' they lived happily ever after.

And if you believe this fairy tale, you'll believe anything!






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The Blanket - A Journal of Protest & Dissent



There is no such thing as a dirty word. Nor is there a word so powerful, that it's going to send the listener to the lake of fire upon hearing it.
- Frank Zappa

Index: Current Articles

18 September 2006

Other Articles From This Issue:

Kick the Pope
Anthony McIntyre

When Saying Sorry Isn't Enough
David Adams

"The third camp is about real lives": Interview with Hamid Taqvaee
Maryam Namazie

John Kennedy

Sympathy for the Victims
Mick Hall

For The Victims of Britain's Holocaust in Ireland
Brian Halpin

Dreary Eden
Seaghán Ó Murchú

Legalize the Irish
Frank [Name Supplied]

Careful What You Wish For
Dr John Coulter

The Peace Process — A Children's Fantasy
Tom Luby

John Kennedy

Upcoming Events

10 September 2006

It's Good to Talk
Dr John Coulter

Bye-Bye Daily Lies
Geraldine Adams

Peelers Give You Trouble
Martin Galvin

If You Cannot Organise a Meeting, How Can You Expect to Organise a Revolution?
Liam O Comain

RSF not involved in proposed 'Front'
Republican Sinn Fein Press Release

Renaissance Republicanism
Mick Hall

Goulding, the Provisionals and the Current Political Process
Roy Johnston

Puppet Show
John Kennedy

Fr. Mc Manus on His Visit to Garnerville PSNI Training Center
Fr Sean Mc Manus

Irlande du Nord: Interview With Anthony McIntyre
André Poulin

Sectarian Interfaces: Glenn Patterson's That Which Was
Seaghán Ó Murchú

Federal Unionism—Early Sinn Fein: Article 9
Michael Gillespie

Federal Unionism—Early Sinn Fein: Article 10
Michael Gillespie

A Curious Snub
Fred A. Wilcox

Con Artist
John Kennedy

Against Civilisation
Seamus Mac An tSaoir

Blanket Coverage for All
Carrie Twomey

5 Years
Brian Mór



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